At 19 I went into hospital to have my first child.  The labour was long and painful.  I did not give birth until midnight after being in labour for around 30 hours.

I did feel love for my little boy straight away, but I was relieved to finally get to bed (at 4 o’clock in the morning.)  The next morning at 7 o'clock my baby was brought to me.  I don’t think it was realised that I had only had around 3 hours sleep.  I don’t remember being asked if I felt okay or if I needed any advice on feeding changing etc.

I remember looking at my baby and feeling scared as to whether I was going to be the competent mother I thought I would be.

After three nights of very little sleep I decided to ask (very sheepishly) could my baby go into the nursery for a few hours.  I didn’t think this would be a problem but to my shock I was told “ there will be no nursery when you get home”.  I think I was probably unlucky with the nurse I chose to ask.  She more than likely thought I should just get on with it.  I went back to my bed crying and remembering that only days earlier I had been able to sleep when I wanted but from now on the baby’s needs came first.  This may seem completely selfish to some people but any mother who has felt like this will explain you can love your baby enormously but still feel that being a mum is a huge task.

My tears in the hospital led to a depression that lasted for around 6 months.  I looked after my baby to the best of my ability but for these first 6 months I wouldn’t say I really enjoyed being a mum.  Life seemed like one endless chore of making bottles, changing nappies and feeding.  There was a black cloud following me around constantly and all the time I was silently wishing I could turn back the clock and just be me again.

When the post-natal depression finally decided to leave me I began to enjoy motherhood.  I suddenly felt capable and strong and I loved being a mum from that day on.

In my case I would say my depression started simply from not getting enough rest and support.  All in all I think from my own experience of post-natal depression it is something that has to be recognised so that all new mothers should feel able to talk about it and deal with it.